My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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