The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my poor anus
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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