I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
