I want to make a zoo with you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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