I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
