Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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