I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
