How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
