Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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