You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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