sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
