I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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