i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
