Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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