Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
