Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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