what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize