Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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