I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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