People with herpes should wear stickers.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
