I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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