if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
