mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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