I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
