And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
