youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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