Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
