piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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