I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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