I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
