we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
