I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
