After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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