I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize