Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
