And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
