I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
