I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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