Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
