ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
