Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
