Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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