mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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