you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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