Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
