I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
