We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
