I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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