Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
