Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
