she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
