Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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