Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
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gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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