Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
