Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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