We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
