So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
