I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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