Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
