Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
