guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
