The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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