This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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