My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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