I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
