my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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