Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We need a shit load of segways right now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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