I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
