So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
