He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
