Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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