I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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