I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
