I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
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Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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