but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
