I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
