Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
