FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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