saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
