is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
