He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I smell like Dick and happiness
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
