can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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